i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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