In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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