My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
