The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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