He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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