It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
