New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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