Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
