I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
