i barfeds in our rink
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
