Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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