Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
