I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
