i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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