Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
