Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
