also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
