Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
