yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
