i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Panties = found
Randomize
