I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
