I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
