I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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