I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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