ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
