Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
