i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
