Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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