When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Randomize
