1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
