i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
