remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
