i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize