yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
