New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
