I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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