Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
