So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
try to milk me bitch
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