Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
