I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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