so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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