You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
