Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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