i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
