omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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