Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
