We named our party play list daddy issues
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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