I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
