There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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