Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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