1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sobbing to NWA
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
