For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
