is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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