so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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