We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
