Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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