Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize