You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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