Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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