you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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