Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
