I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
