i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
