why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no, he came in my armpit
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
