How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
