I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
