I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
