Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
