you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
