I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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