Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
