the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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