We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
