i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
