so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
