somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
