If i come over, it means nothing
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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