Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
another moral hangover. fuck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
