Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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