i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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