the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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