fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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