I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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