my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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