sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize