its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
