So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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