So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
