Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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