Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
