you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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