I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
