the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
